Friday, January 16, 2009

Black Widows & Semi-Colons

Ever had a defining moment at 6 AM? There are other things I'd rather wake up to.

Last fall, we switched out the decorative wreath outside our front door. The old, summertime one came in the house & the new, fall-y one took its place outside. Well, the old wreath quickly got forgotten in our breakfast nook where it had been stashed, & sat for a few weeks - long enough for a certain creature who had taken up residence in the wreath when it was outside to grow comfortable enough to look for new lodgings in its new location.

Enter a groggy, half-aware early riser (you'd think this would have cured me of getting up before sunrise ever again). I flicked on the light and saw a black spot in mid-air near the ground - a glistening black spider hanging upside down in her web. I leaned in closer & saw a perfectly-shaped red hourglass. Have you ever seen pictures of a black widow in a textbook? Good grief, I'm having to pull my feet up as I type!

Anyways, you want something that will shock you awake better than a double shot of coffee? I found it. Works great.

I actually stood in the kitchen and stared at the thing in shock for several moments, until I realized that I had better do something, as it wasn't going to kill itself. Waking someone else up would probably have been better, but this really inconvenient fit of bravery possessed me, and so here, in dramatic retelling, is my heroic battle...

The spider & I faced off for several moments in the darkened breakfast nook, light from a single bulb illuminating the telltale red hourglass on its hideous black body. I held in my shaking hand a bottle of Raid, and had on my foot a big shoe. The spider had as its defense a lethal poison, ready to foster my destruction. I stiffened my shoulders, bent lower, and held the can above the spider's gangly form. I sprayed, it fell in agony to the carpet below, & I stomped like a bad clogger. The twisted spider lay still, dead, the light still shining off its now mangled hourglass. And so it will be told for time immemorial of my valiant defeat of the black widow in the kitchen at 6 AM.

I hope you read that in your best James Earl Jones tone of voice.

Ever notice that when your brain is occupied with spiders, you see them everywhere? (Sorry.) When I took my glasses off before going to bed that night, I saw a black spot on my dresser (a very fuzzy black spot - I'm rather blind without my second pair of eyes). I instantly reached out to pound it into oblivion & realized at the last second that I nearly killed one of my favorite pairs of earrings - a handmade set of semi-colon earrings from nerdgoddess at If you need to get your mind off of black widows & other creepy crawlies, head over to her shop quickly!

Oh and by the way, yes - we threw the wreath away!


Nerd Goddess said...

I'm so glad you didn't stomp on them! And black widows are scary little creatures, glad you got rid of her quick as you did.

Thanks so much for the promo! :)

Jemjoop said...

LOL oh my, that was a dramatic retelling but you got me at the end when you killed the earring. Oh my goodness, I have second-hand trauma just hearing about it. I usually don't kill spiders but I definitely would have killed that one twice. Black widow!?

Teresa Porter said...

Holy Stinkin' Cow! Yikes!

And Hey There Neighbor, I live in Cochran. I love your little dolls.